How +10kg made me happy human being

Today i have found several photos from when i was 17 years old and had few flashbacks of how i felt about my body. Since i was a kid, i always have been an object of bullying and body shaming. So I always considered myself as massively overweight and unattractive girl. At the age of 17, my weight was 67kg and probably by then I have tried most of the popular diets. I was constantly grumpy, hungry and annoyed that none of those diets were working. This state was driving me crazy, i was so obsessed about loosing weight i basically started starving! My mom used to make sure that me and my sister would get proper nutritious breakfast before school and that was my biggest problem if i wanted to starve. Hence, i started to come up with various excuses to avoid breakfast, like, i don't have time for it as i want to be at school early, or that i'm not hungry, or my stomach wasn't feeling great. At the school i used to trick my body into thinking it's not hungry by drinking lots of water (I guess one good thing from all that "starving myself" project). When, i look back to those days and remember how foolish i was, i'm just grateful now that i didn't do any permanent damage to my body.

Have a look at these photos of 17 year old me on my first holidays with my family in Turkey. This is when i though i'm horribly fat and need to starve myself to look pretty.

Thankfully, i finally realized that what i was doing was very unhealthy and silly, so i started to eat more healthy mom cooked meals and go for a run few times a week. Finally, after few years, i managed to become a bit more fond of my body.

Now i weight 77kg and couldn't be happier. I feel strong, happy and beautiful. I somehow became one of those gym freaks, who gets all excited when it comes to planning the workout and learning new exercises. Ah, and that feeling after the good session, you feel powerful, you feel confident, you feel like you could help Justice League to fight the crime! Don't get me wrong i'm not only all about the gym, i like to try something new from time to time. My recent experiment was MMA fighting, which was hard!! So hard, that sometimes during the training session i thought i was gonna collapse, throw up and die. But i kept pushing myself and i loved every second of it, even the moments when i was about to throw up. But more about my MMA experience you can read in my next post.

Anyway, fitness became my passion and the ticket to a happier and healthier me. I know that there is always room for improvement, so i'm definitely not saying i'm gonna stop here. The constant desire to learn and be better keeps me going towards my ultimate goal - to become so good at what i love, so i could share my experience with other people wanting to achieve amazing results not only physically but mentally too. I have reached a sense of home within myself that has not always been there and embracing all the imperfection i have, because they simply makes me - me. You cannot hate your way to a positive self image or self love. Love is a process, not a goal. Give love, show love & be loved.

So here's me, 10kg heavier and happier then ever.

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